Så lad os tale om Intro Tour (So let's talk about Intro Tour)

Yet another hungover post. This should not come as a shock to anyone. Seems to be the theme of this blog.

Okay so Intro Tour. Yet another orientation event brought to you by the Intro team. We were essentially told nothing about this weekend. Only that we would be away for three days, bring a sleeping bag, bathing suit and flashlights and no phones or any apparatus that can take pictures.

Shit. This is going to be interesting.

FRIDAY

So, Friday arrives and we bike to the school for 11am. Once we got there, we checked in and were given a number from one to ten. Mine was seven. Apparently these teams were "strategically" designed to help meet new people, so of course, none of my friends were in my group. 

This was okay though because I ended up with some pretty great people. Anyway we get on the bus and drive for about thirty minutes before we end up at this camp. It was kind of like the equivalent to a YMCA camp, with cabins and bunk beds and a mess hall.

We're corralled into the mess hall where we sit with our teams. The Intro team president comes out and basically goes over some ground rules, blah blah blah. Then the fun starts. Apparently there's a theme for Intro Tour every year. This year the theme was "The Circle of Life". So every team was a stage of life. For instance, Team 1 was sperm. (Classy, I know). Our team was marriage/divorce. Each team had two team leaders and they were dressed up as the theme. It was actually hilarious. Team 1 leaders were dressed in white sheets and entered the room spraying shaving cream all over the place, while Team 10 (death) entered the room as a grim reaper and skeleton.

Next, were the game makers. Now the reason we were divided into teams was not just for housing purposes. There were going to be drinking games all weekend and each game was worth a certain amount of points. Additionally, each beer we drank was worth a point if we returned the can to the bar. (They're really big on recycling here) The game makers were almost like the hosts of the weekend. They announced all the games, the rules and referee-ed. Anyway they came in dressed as Mario and Luigi. And these were like high-end costumes, not just the makeshift shit. Clearly this weekend requires serious dedication.

Then, came the start of the drinking. There was another competition for the weekend, called the King and Queen of Beer. One guy and one girl from every team were called up to the front of the room. We each had to chug a beer as fast as we could and the winner gets the coveted King/Queen of Beer t-shirt. Girls went first. Guess who got voted up there by her team. This girl.

Now I didn't win. The beer was so goddamn cold that there was no way I was winning. What came as a shock though, was that Maud won. Not that the girl can't drink, but I never imagined she could chug a beer that fast. 

So after being led out to the soccer field by the game makers, we were given the task of painting a team flag and coming up with a battle cry. Then we were given our team uniforms, which consisted of a veil and a white skirt for the girls and a tie for the guys. Adorable.

What followed was a few of the aforementioned drinking games. Let me just give you a sampling of what kind of games these were. One of them was we had to make shapes out of our bodies. The games makers would say bumblebee and we had to try it. Bunch of drunk kids piling on top of each other to make random objects... sweet. Another game was two member of each group had to go up and demonstrate as many sex positions as they could in thirty seconds. One team actually came up with 21. Whut.

After the games, we were given a break to chill out and drink. During this time, Sophia and I somehow got our hands on two massive waterguns that had been given to Team 4 (Kids). Hilarity ensues. Among the shit-disturbees, was Victor, one of the Frenchies from our group. He did not take very kindly to the water spraying and ran after us, trying to get one of our guns. Anyway, he ended up catching up to me and started reaching for the gun.

I take no responsibility for what happened next.

While we were fighting, I went to kick him and aimed for his kneecap. Kid moved at the last second. Poor guy never even had a chance.

Not realizing the damage I caused, I ran away. Apparently, the whole "being-kicked-in-the-balls-is-comparable-to-child-birth" is a thing, because I came back five minutes later and he was still on the ground. Anyway, I apologized five hundred times. I really did feel bad... even though I couldn't stop laughing. Again, I take no responsibility.

Copious amounts of beer/shots and some dinner later and we were in our rooms waiting to go on the Night Run. We had no idea what this was, only that we would be going through the woods. An Intro Team member finally came and got us and lead us down to the opening of a trail in the woods and told us to follow the glow sticks in the trees and stop at the stations. The first station was pretty tame... another cucumber race. Fuck me.

However, it was at the next station where things got interesting. The task was that we had to thread a string through all the clothes of our whole team in the least amount of time. Less clothes to thread it through, less time. Apparently the record was ten seconds; all the members of that team had gotten completely naked.

I don't remember what our time was, but I know that people wasted no time taking off clothes. A few of the members of our group got completely naked (me, not being one of them) and the rest went down to underwear or underwear and tank tops. This was fine, except let me stress the fact how fucking cold it was. I wear spandex, in the winter, the minus 30 for skiing. I was completely frozen standing there with some stupid string threaded through what little I was wearing. And let's not even talk about the cleanliness of the string in question, after having touched every other team.

Anyway, the rest of the stations followed suit, a few were drinking challenges, one was that we had to match pictures of various asses to their corresponding Intro Team member owners and the last one was a clothesline race in which we had to take of our clothes again and make the longest line of clothes in under a minute. By this point, I was not taking off anymore then my layers of shirts because I was frozen.

After that, we retired to the mess hall again where we proceeded to drink way more than we should've. Our team also sucked at giving our cans back to the bar and so we started stealing other teams cans. At one point, I went up to a girl and took her can right out of her hand, she literally watched me do it. I was so drunk that I adamantly lied my ass off and told her that I did not take her can, even though I had it behind my back and she was so drunk that she believed me and walked away asking people who took her can. 

At about 3am, after over 15 hours of drinking, I called it quits and snuggled up into my top bunk. Only to be woken up four hours later by someone yelling into a megaphone and someone else aiming a leaf blower at my head.

SATURDAY

So yeah, the leaf blower was wonderful. Want to know what was even better, taking a shot of alcohol at seven in the morning that tasted like cleaning solution. Danish alcohol is disgusting.

We proceeded from there to breakfast where everyone wasted no time in cracking open a few beers. Hungover does not even begin to describe my state at that point. I was so haggard, it was unreal. We spent some time in the morning playing games, I went and had a quick power nap before I joined the Germans and the Frenchies out on the lawn. It was here where Team 11 was born. We were all kind of getting tired of constantly having to be in our assigned groups instead of being with our friends. I don't know who came up with it, but someone said as a joke that we should be Team 11, and so it began.

From there on out, we kept cheering Team 11 whenever anyone else would cheer for their own teams. I think we pretty much drove the Intro Team members crazy with our drunk shouting and clear disregard for their order of things but it was hilarious. We also copped out on any chores we were supposed to do because "we're Team 11 and we do what we want". Such shit disturbers.

The rest of the day continued along those lines. We had a supposed traditional Danish dish for dinner, which was basically shaved beef and gravy and oh my god, it was just what my alcohol-filled stomach needed. We then participated in a few more games; guys had to take a girl's bra off with their teeth, while blindfolded, etc. and were then sent off to our cabins to dress up for the theme party that night; movie characters.

I was The Incredibles with Solene and I think we pulled it off pretty well. Although by the end of the night, we had lost our masks and the "i" symbol on our chests and we just looked like two people who decided to dress the same with elbow-length gloves. But it was cool while it lasted.

Anyway, around 4:30am, I decided that I was going to call it a night. I went to the washroom and apparently while I was in there, an announcement was made that there was going to be a "Naked Mile." I missed this announcement.

So I head outside to walk back to my cabin and was greeted by naked people. Everywhere. Keep in mind I had no idea why everyone had gotten naked. And given that I was on my way home because I too drunk to get another drink, I deemed it a bad idea to join in on this naked fest.

I got home and went to bed and only found out the next morning why everyone had gotten naked. Embarrassing.

SUNDAY

I have a list of top three hangovers ever. Sunday was the second worst. And it only didn't make first because I didn't puke. But oh my god, haggard doesn't even begin to describe my state. I was so hungover, I felt like I was dreaming. And when we were woken up the leaf blower and given a chemical shot yet again it didn't wake me, it only worsened my condition. I literally don't remember eating breakfast, I was so out of mind. I must've just had it in a daze.

Sunday essentially consisted of packing up our stuff and cleaning. We then got the bus home where all of us stayed in our beds all day. Fair to say that Intro Tour definitely got the best of us.

PS. Apparently what happens at Intro Tour, stays at Intro Tour. So maybe I shouldn't be spewing these details all over the Internet, but if it helps I did leave some stuff out... So whatever.